CLEVELAND — Paul Bates and Phil Bush have been together for almost 30 years.
“I’m approaching that magic age of 80 which is a disaster, but that’s OK,” said Paul Bates, 78.
“Well I’m fine. I mean, I’m not 78,” said Phil Bush, 76.
They’re out and proud, have a beautiful home and have traveled the world.
“I am very out. My life is, you know, at this age, I’m hoping there’s a lot more life to go but I am very happy with my life, very content,” said Bates.
But their life wasn’t always like this, for most of it they weren’t able to be fully themselves. They were born in the 1940s and at that time, being gay wasn't socially acceptable and had consequences, such as getting fired.
“It was a scary time to be gay,” said Bates. “You were very closeted. It would be the kiss of death to be discovered as having homosexual tendencies, because then it would be dealing with the name calling, the hassarment, the bullying. It was easier to keep quiet and pull into myself than let anybody know my true self.”
Still, Bates came out to his family in his early 20s. He considers himself a risk-taker and a non-conformist. His mother accepted him as a person, but Bates said she never accepted his gayness. Although out to some of his friends and family, he was very careful about who he told. He was closeted at work until he neared the end of his career.
However, Bush did what many other gay men did from that generation: He suppressed his feelings, got married to a woman and had daughters.
“I was married to a woman for probably 18 to 20 years. It was a good part of my life,” said Bush. “In my 40s, I finally came out and I felt comfortable finally at that point after a lot of evaluation. At one point, I just hit a wall and said, 'I can't do this anymore.' I'm thinking that I'm richer because of that experience, but I'm very fortunate to have Paul in my life. It’s been very special.”
Bates and Bush grew up in a time where LGBTQ people had no rights, very few allies and almost no representation. They were part of the many protests and rallies that launched the gay liberation movement in the 1960s.
“It helped me become the person I am and that is a plus,” said Bates. “It instilled in me that I didn’t take things for granted. Maybe you have to work for certain things, whether it’s politically or whatever, in order to get what you want. And those times, they happened, and so here we are today. And it’s not only me, but it’s this whole generation of people who grew up that were more out there than I was, more determined to fight for our rights and it’s because of that we’re here today.”
Now, they’re seeing their hard work pay off. Gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states in 2015 and recently, more celebrities like NFL player Carl Nassib have come out.
“My generation, I think, was very aggressive in paving that way,” said Bates. “That was major and that was courageous, it really was.”
Despite the many victories, Bates and Bush recognize there’s still a long way to go before society reaches true equality.
“Equality means that everybody is treated fairly, the lack of discrimination. Equality means we’re one human family. We’re all out here, we’re a human family and we just have to learn to live together and support each other,” said Bates.
“Equality is freedom — nonjudgement, total acceptance,” added Bush.
As the saying goes, "To enjoy the rainbow, you must first enjoy the rain."
“Looking at families, I think everybody has a gay or lesbian peron somewhere in their family and they can relate to that now,” said Bates. “There’s still a certain element out there doesn’t accept us and is going to fight it regardless, it’s like all these things like reading about the wedding cakes and, ‘No, it’s against my religion' and all that. These people aren’t going to change, but you know, we’ve won, we really have, and that’s the big thing. We have won,” said Bates.