OHIO — In 2003, Devon Cunningham was looking for love. Back then, the dating apps many of us know today, like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, didn’t exist, but you could still meet people online.
“I can't even remember some of the websites that were around then,” Cunningham said. “I don't even know if Facebook was a thing. I know MySpace was.”
Cunningham, who lives in Michigan, entered an online relationship with someone who said they lived in Cleveland.
“You're heading out the door ready to meet them at a coffee shop or something like that and next thing you know, they don't show up and like, you know, some horrible thing has happened,” Cunningham said.
That pattern of making and breaking plans went on for 2.5 years, but they never actually met. She got a feeling that something wasn’t right. The relationship ended up being bogus and the person not who Cunningham thought it was.
“It did end up being a female that was pretending to be a male online and establish all these relationships with other females,” Cunningham said. “It truly is hard to explain how it really happened and why it happened. But it did.”
Romance scams like this one aren’t uncommon. Catfishing, financial exploitation, and even worse, sexual violence, are all potential dangers of meeting someone online. Cunningham said while she didn't lose any money, this was a painful experience and she warns others to be cautious.
“Common sense isn't always so common,” Cunningham said. “But that doesn't mean that someone is like stupid or naïve or, you know, just ignorant. It just, yeah, not everybody shares the same experiences.”
Whether you’re interacting online or decide to meet up in person, Cunningham recommends a skeptical eye.
More and more online daters are becoming victims of romance scams. In 2021, the Federal Trade Commission reported they cost consumers $547 million dollars. The Global Anti-Scam Alliance shows the average reported loss in romance scams here in the U.S. is roughly $186,000.
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, also known as RAINN, has tips on ways to stay safe while dating online. Since social media is so interconnected, RAINN recommends people be aware of how much personal information they share online.
“So thinking about if you're including things like your daily routine, or your location, identifying information about the location of your home, things like that can make it easy for somebody who you might not want to have that information to obtain that information,” said Erinn Robinson, press secretary for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, also known as RAINN.
If you decide to meet an online interest in person, she recommends:
- Videochat first
- Arrange your own transportation
- Share your location with friends and family
- Don’t feel pressured to drink alcohol
- Never be afraid to ask for help
“Your politeness is not as important as your safety, your personal safety in those situations, and it is okay to leave an in-person dating situation, anytime somebody makes you the littlest bit of uncomfortable,” Robinson said.
Most of all, Robinson said to trust your gut. Cunningham was catfished once, but she didn’t give up. She’s been in a happy relationship with her boyfriend for 17 years now, and she did meet him online.
Cunningham said while there are horror stories, there are also many success stories.
“Just being careful and being safe, being thoughtful for your own protection and sometimes your family as well,” Cunningham said. “It is a successful avenue for being able to establish real romantic relationships that can last, you know, if not forever, that are successful.”
RAINN wants to make sure people know that an incidence of sexual violence is never your fault, whether you date online or in person. The National Sexual Assault hotline operated by RAINN is available 24/7 at 800-656-HOPE.
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