OHIO — If you’ve struggled to figure out whether or not you’ll see family this holiday season, you’re not alone. Many are having to make that tough choice this year. While some psychologists say not seeing family members over the holidays can create stress, they’re also saying it can prove to be a good thing in the long run. 
  • Holiday gatherings can create stress that some people will be happy to avoid
  • If you skip a holiday visit, don't be surprised if you feel guilty because it's normal 
  • Explain why you're not visiting and look to create new traditions 

Millions of Americans will hit the roads and airports this holiday season to see family, while others will stay home. 

Clinical Psychologist Noam Shpancer at Otterbein University said not seeing family in the traditional way can take an emotional toll. “Not seeing the people we love is stressful. And this is because you know relationships are the biggest source or strength, and safety.”

They’re also a source of well being which keeps us anchored, especially in hard times; But Shpancer said not everyone will be upset over missing a family visit. Instead, they’ll be relieved. “Holiday gatherings can be occasions of stress. Perhaps you don't get along with everyone in your family, perhaps, going home brings back some bad memories from, you know, a difficult childhood. Perhaps you can't afford the expense.”

Even so, those who skip visits can expect to feel a little guilty for doing so. To handle that Shpancer said:

-realize the feelings are normal and accept how you feel instead of beating yourself up about it 

-then investigate why you feel the way you do

He adds, “If you're willing to look at your emotion, with curiosity you know as information, and then try to figure out what what what do I do with the knowledge, you can help yourself and help your relationship.” Taking this route can also help clear the air and become an opportunity to educate your family if you’re not seeing family this holiday season. He said, “Now we have a chance to clarify our position so maybe your family doesn't really understand your situation. You know, maybe you haven't disclosed that, you know, you don't have the funds, this year to do it or something like that.“

Regardless of your reason for staying home, Shpancer said take the time to think about:

-creating new boundaries

-the long term ramifications of holding off on your visit

-your appreciation for previous family engagements

-looking for opportunities to create new traditions

He said if you can do this, you’ll be the better for it in the long run. Shpancer said recognizing there’s a vaccine now, should provide a sense of hope in that the pandemic will end and life at some point will go back to being okay.