CINCINNATI — Aging is difficult. Beyond the aches and pains of a body that doesn’t move the same way it once did, the regrets that wake us up in the night or the losses we experience, is the fear of what’s ahead.
“We’ve known for a long time that most older people are more afraid of being dependent than actually dying,” Gerontologist Kathryn McGrew said.
Spectrum News anchor Mindy Drayer said it's hard to see someone who you've known as a pillar of strength your life, just start to crumble.
"It’s like you’re drowning—you’re trying to keep afloat, you’re trying to have answers, trying to get her better, yet you’re getting pulled under,” she said.
When Mindy’s mother, Carm, began to quickly decline without explanation, the Drayers decided to bring in hospice. Unsure whether it was the end, they knew that Hospice would have some solutions, if not the answer, to what her mother needed.
“There are a lot of myths that we struggle and work hard to overcome with people,” said Hospice of Cincinnati President Gayle Mattson.
The biggest misconception is that hospice hastens death. According to studies, people with the same diagnosis actually live longer when supported by hospice.
In addition to home-based care, there are also hospice centers where people can get around-the-clock nursing care as their needs increase, or they can do short stays to give caregivers a break for up to five days at a time.
“They focus not only on the medical needs of an individual, they also support the family and provide emotional, spiritual, and psychosocial support as well,” Mattson said.
“There’s not a legitimate place for old to be OK, or actually dementia to be OK, or serious decline in aging,” McGrew said.
By rejecting ageism, sometimes we go too far, she argues, insisting that we can do anything despite our age when “sometimes we can’t.”
“Our culture just does not have a lot of comfort talking about death and dying," Mattson said. "It’s a taboo subject and, furthermore, it’s something people find scary."
And yet, despite our fear, our resistance or our desire for immortality, there are ways to think about and to plan for the end of life.
Making decisions ahead of time, telling loved ones what interventions we do and don’t want, writing things down, and accepting help, are all ways in which we can lessen the burden on our caregivers as we reach the end.