Santa is obviously one incredible dude!

Zipping around the world, delivering gifts to every girl and boy all in just one night puts Amazon to shame! But behind every powerful, portly gentlemen in a giant red-suit, there’s a powerhouse of smaller people waiting to support him. And without them he’d be ho-ho-hopeless!

In this Virtually Rick we salute the REAL heroes of Christmas: The elves themselves...

The details of what an elf’s life is like have been strictly top-secret. Until now!

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I was sent a startling email full of leaked sensitive information from one, “Elfward Snowden,” who revealed exclusively to us here at Spectrum News 1 the REAL truth about the elves at the North Pole.

Think you can handle it?

So it seems that Santa really is an "elf-made man." Approximately two million elves support and help him, living in peace and harmony in the North Pole Village — made mostly from frozen gingerbread, one of the hardest substances in the world.

Firstly, what do they look like?

It’s understood that all of the three-foot-tall elves dress in green to show their solidarity for their union, a body that’s negotiated some great benefits including limitless peppermint hot chocolate and a universal basic income of 200 'Jingle Bills' a week, plus free medical 'Elf-care.'  

Thanks to the blueprints we’ve received, we can now show you what we believe their village looks like.

In the outer limits, you'll find the elves’ cottages. A large building is thought to be where the letters to Santa arrive…oh no sorry no that’s the toilets!

Next to that, a huge warehouse, the center of everything, is the Toy Factory where 2.2 billion toys are made every year! WOW!

Next to the factory are the reindeer stables, where Santa’s sleigh is rumored to be stored. 

Unfortunately, the elves aren’t allowed to take photos in these areas for security and reasons of 'Elf and Safety.'

And they’re certainly not allowed to take pictures of themselves, so no 'Elfies' either! 

Apparently Elves love to:  

  • Pack presents whilst listening to WRAP music.
  • Sit on your shelves, not to tattle-tail but so they can sneak into your kitchen at night and munch on your cookies. So you’d better put a lock on that cookie jar!
  • They love nothing more than letting Santa take all the credit - they are so modest, polite and kind that they make even the Canadians look rude! They love to help. They are team players (Except on Wednesdays, when it’s karaoke)!  
  • But most of all! Elves’ love children! And have been known to hide Santa’s “Who’s Been Naughty” book.  

Finally we’ve secured X-rays of both the elves AND Santa. In the cross-section, you can see that the Elves are made of love, candy canes, and tiny kittens, whereas Santa Claus, well, let's just say you don’t get the greatest job in the world without having the biggest heart in the world too! 

Waking up on Christmas Morning Santa may not be given any presents, but the real reason? Because he gets that the BIGGEST and perhaps the BEST gift of all at Christmas time: the gift of giving to others and the gratitude for all the help he gets from his friends the elves in return! 

Merry Christmas everyone!