EL SEGUNDO, Calif. – It’s that time of year when Turkeys shudder and sweet potatoes run for cover! And speaking of our friend we like to gobble, gobble – there are a lot of mistruths and mischief out there.

In this Virtually Rick we unfeather the myths of the illustrious turkey, get to the bottom and stuff it! So come with me let’s get virtual. 

MORE HOLIDAY STORIES:

You might think from your history lessons that Benjamin Franklin proposed the Turkey to be our national bird. Actually he didn’t - he wrote a letter to his daughter about a badly drawn fraternity logo of a bald eagle that LOOKED like a turkey. He wrote that it was a more TRUSTWORTHY bird than the bald eagle who he believed to be “Of bad moral character!”. His thoughts were nothing to do with the great American seal which had already been designed years before so stick that in your roasting pan (the turkey not the bald eagle because there’s not much meat on them! Gross!).

OK so let’s fact you up fast, Turkey-style! 

Can they fly?

  • Yes. Domestic ones that sit on your plate - no - because they are top-heavy, they would need a rocket pack to get those giblets airborne. The wild ones can fly up to 40 or 50 miles per hour, but only for 100 yards.

I’ve heard if it’s raining and they are looking at the sky with their mouths open that they can drown?

  • No! Complete nonsense. Even they are not THAT stupid!!  

Can they swim?

  • Yes! They’re the wild ones are surprisingly good swimmers!

According to research done by Carnegie Mellon University, the carbon footprint of a 16-pound turkey creates a total of 34.2 pounds of CO2 — the same amount produced by turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, roasted Brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, rolled biscuits and apple pie combined. Presumably even more gas is released after you eat that lot!!

Where do they go when they’ve been pardoned by the President?

  • To George Washington’s Home, Mount Vernon near D.C. But sadly they don’t last long because they are bred to be very fat for the table which means their lives are pretty short anyway.

Why is there dark meat on a turkey?

  • It is in the wings, drumsticks, and thighs - the parts of the turkey that are more active and need more oxygen from the blood which is why it’s darker.

How many stomachs do they have?

  • Two! Because they don’t have teeth so it’s a twostep process to break down the food it eats.

Does eating turkey make you sleepy?

  • Nope. That is an old wives tail, you would have to eat a whole turkey for it to hit you. It’s more likely that you’re sleepy because you tried to eat three platefuls of trimmings and a sweet potato pie - it’s a carb attack!

Are they fast?

  • The wild ones can run 12 miles per hour, especially if they are being chased by someone with a chef’s hat. Ah sorry that’s not nice!  

Are they smart?

  • They can visualize their territory and can also recognize other turkeys by their sound, but they attack their own reflections in the mirror so maybe NOT that smart!  

Can they sing?

  • No, but they’re probably good dancers with all that turkey booty because it’s all about the baste, the baste! Or their favorite music? Plymouth Rock!!

OK, ok that’s it, I'm stopping. All your questions are answered. Your mind is warmed up now don’t worry if you forget and go cold turkey. I’ll be here for you next year!   Gobble! Gobble!!